Thursday, September 16, 2010

And So It Begins...

August 15, 2010
Here I am, writing my first blog. I don’t think I ever thought I would write a blog. My twin sister has one and she does it well, so that seemed good enough for me. I would live vicariously through her blog posts. Then I realized I had things I wanted to write. I don’t know if anyone will even care to read my opinions or what is going on in my life. I am sure I won’t write as eloquently as my sister. However, my story is my own and I’ve decided to share the little bit there is to share.
I start off by saying I am happy. I have a beautiful family and a husband who loves me. Although I never thought I would be the mother to four wonderful, energetic boys (in fact, I thought I would surely end up with all girls as my mother had…thank goodness God is in control and knows what I can handle) I love my life. Sometimes it is overwhelming and there are times I take a shower just so I can have a break from everyone, but I truly feel so blessed.
Here are my boys! They are my heart! This week my two oldest are at camp for the first time. There is a website we can go to for pictures they are posting, but I have only seen one of my kids from a distance. I tried to look at his face thinking that would somehow tell me if he was having a good time. Though some pictures speak a thousand words, these pictures only left me wondering if they needed me to tuck them in at night, or if they had showered and brushed their teeth. So many firsts this year for them and time is flying by as it tends to do. Grant starts Jr. High in just a few weeks! Orientation is already next week. I think he is more ready for it than I am. Reading the information packet I gasped. It speaks of kids being suspended for drugs and alcohol- not yet! I am not ready for my kids to be exposed to all of those things yet. Thankfully I have given my children to the Lord. That doesn’t mean I won’t worry, but I sure will try hard to put all my trust in God and know that He is a much better protector than I am.
September 14, 2010
When I first started this blog, almost a whole month ago, I was going to post it as soon as I could announce our newest pregnancy. I thought it would be a great way to start a blog…a new life, one we’d prayed for and planned for, one we were so excited for when we found out about it on our anniversary…I was waiting until we had our ultra-sound so we could see the heart beat and feel safe to announce it. Sadly, when we went in on the 7th, we found no baby in the sac. We were heartbroken. Our two youngest were with us during the ultra sound, on my youngest first birthday. It might sound funny to be glad to have two toddlers with us, but having my little ones there comforted me through my tears. I am so blessed and I know this. I have reminded myself of all my blessings. Being thankful for the ability to have been able to carry children in my womb did not take my broken heart away for the loss of the child we already planned so much for. The following day I had a D&C. I did pretty well the first couple days, but have cried many times off and on since then. I was 7.5 weeks along. I was nauseous, exhausted and peeing five times a night already. After having four children my stomach popped right back out and I was excited to be showing. Now I am trying to fit back into my clothes. It has yet to be a week so I am sure all that will fall into place.  I am not angry. The past several days I have heard of friend’s pregnancies and seen mothers holding their newborns and I am happy for them. I just can’t help but wonder when we can start trying again, when I will be pregnant again, will everything go well? Before Kyle and I married, I had been told by doctors I may never be able to have more children. I was prepared for that. Kyle was too. A month after we married we were going to talk with the doctor about our options and I was already pregnant with Sawyer! Then Brody came as another surprise while I was actively nursing Sawyer. So blessed by God we are by our little miracles. God has laid it on our hearts to have more children and I pray that is his will for our life. If I ever feel overwhelmed I remember that God will take care of me. He’s shown me so many times that he loves me and cares about every tear I cry.
Tomorrow I go back to the doctor for blood work and an ultra sound. I’m taking medicine for five days to help get rid of anything else that may be left over from the D&C and then also medicine for a possible infection. I will be so glad when this is over and I can stop thinking about the past and start thinking about happier thingsJ. My husband has been amazing through all of this. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world when it comes to him! God is amazing with his timing and his blessings when we are obedient.

Here is us 3 years ago on our wedding day- obviously J. I could not wait to be his wife and every day I love him even more!
So this is my blog! My very first entry and I hope to just share what is on my heart and to share what it’s like to be a mom in a house with all boys. Some days are boring and uneventful but there are definitely enough days with more action than I would probably wish for. It is all a blessing, the good and the bad.


  1. Hugs and prayers to you on your loss, Tonee.

    I look forward to reading more of your posts!

  2. Dear Tonee,

    Good job on your blog! I love you so much and I will be waiting to see what God continues to do in your life and how you communicate it here!


  3. Thanks! Misty, I am following you now :) I am still trying to figure out this blog thing.
    Mom, I love you too. Thanks for all your encouragement!

  4. So glad you are doing this. I'm happy to be a reader. :)